The nature of trauma or just nuts?

As my life re-adjusts itself around our new addition, I find that through the awkward veil of fellings associated with ppd and new motherhood, I have also found contentment. Far from PC, though it may be, I live to be a good mother to my son. Anything else I might accomplish, from this point forward is just icing on the cake.

Unfortunately, I also find that the happier I get, the more fearful I am that its all going to disappear if I enjoy it too heartily. There are some days when I literally wake up in the morning, to my smiling child's face, and my heart ready to burst with the love I feel and then, I'm suddenly scared to death that something could happen to him, to me, to my husband, and bring the world crashing down around us. Sometimes its transient fear but sometimes it lingers and it's always overwhelming in intensity. Bad things happen to everyone. Not just bad people.

Now, I don't know if this is simply new-mother's anxiety, or a product of hormones, or if its some kind of left-over fear from the ever interesting events of my life and childhood, telling me that something good is always followed by something excruciatingly bad. Maybe its guilt from some sub-conscious feeling that I don't deserve to be happy. Maybe this is the reason that I have such difficulty allowing myself to be successful at anything. If anyone knows, I'd be glad to hear it.