Oh my gosh, you guys made me cry.
Thank you so much, my sweet friends, for your outpouring of support and kindness. I'm a little embarrassed that I was so angry, yesterday.
Please know that at this writing, Duane has agreed that he was, indeed afraid. After talking tonight, he is willing to start trying at this time, next year.
I also made some concessions. Among other things, I assured him that I would be glad to cut my weekly budget and do whatever I can to put his mind more at ease. I know that being the sole wage earner can be very stressful, and I don't want to gloss over his feelings.
So, now we just have to work on our trust issues... That should be pretty easy. Right? (Sure, Easy!)
Monday, January 16, 2006
Crisis Averted, Hissy Fit Over
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5 comments:
That's great that you had a good talk.
I never had a good relationship with my mom which effected a lot of my marriage. Not only did I try to get her approval.. I allowed my husband to treat me as she had. I didn't realize I was doing this but I expected to be treated by the world as she had treated me -- which was very negatively and very critically. (she thought I was strongwilled and impossible-- I was only struggling to "be myself" and not be her robot, I was insecure inside) Through the years I had little breakthroughs and fit the pieces together to help me be a healthy ME. It was a long ongoing process and I bounced things I learned off of my husband because I sincerely wanted to grow. One big breakthrough was letting go of the idea of gaining my mom's approval. A few (difficult) confrontations broke the chain. Now she is elderly but we do have a comfortable, forgiving relationship. I realize she had many issues herself.
Anyway, all our marriage I worked on ME and my husband looked at me as having the problems. But 5 years ago he went through some VERY Hard times (work problems) and through all the crisis he started to question himself. He faced a tragic death that had happened in his family as a child, that had never been dealt with then. It really opened his eyes to himself, how he copes with things, the "why" of his reactions etc. The role his mother played in his life (not good) It was very interesting that for years of watching me delve into the puzzles of my life-- now I was watching him and could even support and help him. Our relationship is good now.. honest and open and free from the past!
Life is definitely an interesting trail! And just want you to know that we all struggle along the path. THe one comment on your post said... remember your love and vows... and that's true, it will all be worth it. I was attracted to my husband because of certain strengths he had-- (even though he was such a butthead to me) and Duane must have something that completes you, too.
Just keep conversing and loving him and God bless you!
Oh, dear Kris, this and the one before were just honest, bold posts. You keep writing from the heart like that, and you will find your way for sure.
Kris, I'm glad you guys had another talk. Don't be surprised if he waffles back and forth over the next year.... just come write about it, and we'll make you cry some more.
Trust is SUCH a big thing in relationship... hard to get, hard to keep.
Love you!
Hi Kris, read your last post also. Not much to say, 'cept I was 39 1/2 when I gave birth to number 3.
I will be close to collecting SS when number 3 grads from high school. Old? you say? Nah, just very seasoned! ;-0}
If life was supposed to be easy then divorces would be rare and and mommies would be running around with little ones all over the creation every minute of everyday without one single regret!
But I prefer my dessert to be few and far between so I may savor the wonders in every bite.
Room to grow is always a grand exploration rather it be for male or female. Sometimes you just have to stand up for what you want and believe to be right and eventually it no longer becomes a question but rather a solution.
TAke good good care and worry about tomorrow when tomorrow doesn't show up!!
I love you sweet one,
Peg
Thank you, ladies!
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