Perchance to dream

I woke, early this morning from the most horrible dream. In fact, I am writing now because images and thoughts from the dream are keeping me from sleep. When I close my eyes, or even when they're open, its all I can see.

My husband and I were in the tub bathing bub. (I used to sit in the tub with him in the beginning, because he was so wiggly that I couldn't hold him well enough any other way)

For some reason, Roxie (one of the cats) jumped into the tub. We were trying to protect the baby from her claws and shoo her out of the bath. In the commotion, I looked at Zee and he was under the water, still and dead. In the dream, I jumped up and performed cpr on him. This feeling of calm washed over me, midway through. Poor Duane was calm too, but I could see the look of dread on his face. I heard myself say, "getting scared and freaking out will guarantee that he doesn't make it. Stay focused. Stay calm."

In my dream, he woke up. He screamed bloody murder. Then there was this fear that I pushed on him too hard, and hurt him. We went to the hospital. Then I woke up.

I've been half scared out of my wits that I wouldn't remember how to do cpr if it came down to it, in the heat of the moment. I'm trying to nudge Duane to get certified, too, for just such an occurrence. After this dream, I think I may just start to down-right push.

The image of his lifeless eyes through the water are what I see when my eyes close. Heck, who needs sleep anyway? I don't need anymore sleep. I may just be up for the day.